Domestic Violence
Simply stated domestic violence is abuse or violence within an intimate partner relationship. Domestic violence is not limited to physical abuse. Mental, verbal, and sexual abuse are also considered domestic violence. Domestic violence can occur in heterosexual and homosexual relationships.
In most violent relationships, one person is considered the controller or batterer. Although the majority of victims are women, men can also be the victim of domestic violence. Battering is a pattern of violent coercive behavior and threats that is intended to control another person's thoughts and conduct. Contrary to what many people believe, domestic violence can happen to anyone. People of all ages, races, income and education levels, and religions can be in abusive relationships. You very likely know someone who is a victim or a batterer.
Facts on Domestic Violence
• Domestic Violence is the number one reason women go to the emergency room.
• Every 15 seconds in this country, a woman is abused by her partner.
• One in four women will be abused by a partner in her lifetime.
• An estimated 88% of pets in homes with domestic abuse are abused or killed.
• 87% of women killed by their partners were leaving or trying to leave at the time.
The Domestic Violence Cycle
Many abusive relationships follow a repeating pattern. Often gradual increases in power and control occur before physical violence occurs. The following phases show how these kinds of relationships usually progress.
The Honeymoon Phase
A calm time where the abuser show kind, loving behavior. The abuser appears to feel guilty about the abuse and claims it will never happen again.
The Tension-Building Phase
This is a time where minor incidents begin to gradually build in severity. The person being abused may feel pressured not to upset the abuser by doing the wrong thing.
The Explosive Phase
This is the phase characterized by explosive and uncontrollable rage. The rage may be physical or verbal. Often times the abuser will destroy
Warning Signs
Many of the signs women are taught to Interpret as caring, attentive, and romantic are actually early warning signs for future abuse. Some examples Include:
INTRUSION: Constantly asks you where you are going, who you are with, etc.
ISOLATION: Insists that you spend all or most of your time together, cutting you off from friends and family.
POSSESSION AND JEALOUSY: Accuses you of flirting/having sexual relationships with others; monitors your clothing/make-up.
NEED FOR CONTROL: Displays extreme anger when things do not go his way; attempts to make all of your decisions.
UNKNOWN PASTS / NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN: Secretive about past relationships; refers to women with negative remarks, etc.
MORE WARNING SIGNS
-Was bused by a parent or grew up in a home where an adult was abused by another adult.
-Gets very serious with boyfriends/girlfriends very quickly.
-Has a history of bad relationships or blames the “ex.”
-Blames others for one’s own misbehavior or failures.
-Has ever been cruel to animals.
-Has ever abused children.
-Has ever hit a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past.
-Has ever threatened violence, even if it wasn’t a serious threat.
-Calls partner names, puts him/her down or curses at him/her.
-Is extremely moody, and switches quickly from being very nice to exploding in anger.
-If a male, believes women are inferior to men and should obey them.
-Is intimidating, for example using threatening body language, punching walls or --breaking objects.
-Holds partner against his/her will to keep him/her from walking away or leaving the room.
Safety Plan
When Preparing to Leave
-Open a savings account and /or credit card in your own name. This will increase your financial independence. Think of other ways to increase your independence.
-Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents, extra medicines, and clothes with someone you trust so that you can leave quickly.
-Keep the shelter or hotline phone number close at hand and keep some change or a calling card on you at all times for emergency phone calls.
-Review your safety plan as often as possible in order to plan the safest way to leave your abuser.
REMEMBER: Leaving your abuser is the most dangerous time.
Other Safety Concerns
-Discuss safety plans with your children for when you are not with them.
-Inform your children’s school about who is allowed to pick them up from school.
-Devise a safety plan for leaving work. Have someone escort you to your car. Also, think about what you would do if something happened while you were going home.
-If you have a protective order, make many copies to have with you at all times.
South Carolina Law and Orders of Protection
South Carolina law defines abuse as:
-Physically harming you,
-Physically injuring you,
-Assaulting you,
-Threatening to physically hurt you, or
-Raping you or committing another sexual criminal offense against you.
Orders of Protection
An Order of Protection is a paper that is signed by a judge and tells your abuser to stop the abuse or face serious legal consequences. It offers civil legal protection from domestic violence to both women and men.
You are eligible to file for an Order of Protection if you have been the victim of acts of abuse by:
-your spouse,
-your former spouse,
-someone with whom you have a child in common, and
-your live-in partner or former live-in partner, if one of you is male and the other is female.
An Order of Protection can:
-Order the abuser not to abuse you or threaten to abuse you
-Order the abuser not to communicate with you or try to communicate with you
-Order the abuser to stay away from any place you request including your school,home, day care, or workplace
-Award temporary custody and visitation rights of your children
-Order your abuser to pay temporary financial support for you and/or your child
-Grant temporary possession of your shared residence
-Prohibit the abuser to get rid of income or property you share
-Order the abuser to pay for costs and attorney's fees
-Order anything else you ask for that the judge thinks is necessary to keep you safe.
Also, the federal Gun Control Act of 1994 makes it illegal for anyone subject to qualifying Orders of Protection to possess a firearm or ammunition. The law also forbids those constrained under qualifying orders from shipping or transporting firearms or ammunition between states or countries.
Whether a judge orders any or all of the above depends on the facts of your case.
Welcome
We are here to help abused women, their children, teens and men break the cycle of violence in their lives by offering safe, confidential shelter and services.
Contact
If you need assistance or would like to donate, please contact us by telephone or use the PayPal link below:
The Cumbee Center
(803) 649-0480