Warning Signs of Abuse

There is no way to spot that someone has unhealthy or abusive ideas of a relationship until you have interacted with them. Some warning signs include:

  • They insist on moving quickly in a relationship. For example, “I know it has only been a few months but I love you so much let’s move in together!”
  • They want to limit the time you spend with family or friends and do not want you to be alone with others. “I know you love your mom, but every time you come home from visiting her we fight. I don’t think it’s good for our relationship for you to see her as much as you do, and when you do see her I need to be with you so I know what she is telling you.”
  • They are extremely jealous or controlling. “Are you sure you were at the gym? You went by yourself and I texted you three times and I never heard back from you?”
  • They do not take responsibility for their actions and blame others for everything that goes wrong. “I got in trouble today for raising my voice to a coworker, but if they just did their job correctly I would not have had to yell at them.”
  • They criticize their partner’s appearance and make frequent putdowns. “How many times do I have to tell you; why do you have to be so stupid?”
  • They monitor and control how you spend your money. For example, “I think you spend too much money on clothes, we should deposit your paycheck in my account and I will transfer you money as you need it.”
  • They don’t want you to work or leave the home. For example, “I love you so much that I do not want you to work, you can stay home I make enough money for both of us.”

Any one of these behaviors may not indicate abusive actions, but it’s important to know the red flags and take time to explore each of them.